I am going to be honest, S-E-X-Y is a complicated word for me.  I don’t think I am alone in my discomfort. I think a lot of women have discomfort with “sexy” and I think our discomfort fueled much of the discussion, backlash, support  and sheer energy exerted after the JLo and Shakira half-time performance.  As I watched the live performance and relived it with the after talk, my own relationship with sexy came front and center.  It is a word that I want to embrace, but wow does it have hooks for me! When something has “hooks” for me, my head swirls with monkey thoughts and I feel some sense of shame and resistance. Sound familiar?

My friends at Merriam Webster provide two pretty basic definitions of the “S” word.  Sexy is defined as: 1: sexually suggestive or stimulating and 2: generally attractive or interesting.   The second definition feels much safer to me, I tell myself, “yes, I can go there”. The first definition, well let’s say that has hooks galore for me!   I have found that when something hooks me I need to unpack it and get rid of what is not serving me. The half-time show did not start my s-e-x-y unpacking, but it did allow me to check in on my journey.   I thought I’d share some of my views along the way…

  • I want to feel sexy.  There, I said it and lightening did not strike!
  • Sexy is a personal experience and not a one fit all definition.
  • My sexiness is exactly that…MINE! 
  • The idea of being sexy can still make me feel unsafe. 
  • My desire to feel sexy does not make me less pro-woman.  
  • As I judge myself less harshly on my sexy desires, I judge other women less harshly on theirs. 
  • When I embrace what sexy means to me I can more easily ignore the external noise and be me.
  • Seeing and feeling my sexy is internal work.  My sexy is about me and for me. 

Ladies, we did not get to our “sexy” discomfort alone.  We have been helped along the way by all the crazy messages we get about our sexuality, our bodies, and our worthiness in relation to both.  Add to that, the all too common sexual traumas experienced by women, and yes, a half-time show can get us feeling all over the place. If sexy is a four letter word for you, I offer you the invitation to take some time to unpack your relationship with sexy.  If you find shame and resistance that don’t serve you, consider leaving them behind. Regardless of how we each decide to do or not do sexy, let’s support each other along the way. Like most things in life, we are all just trying to figure it out.